A curse poem for King Jeoffrey, a total @#$%^&*
may you accidentally pour acid into your eyes
may parasites infest your skin
may your teeth fall out
may you lose all your money at a casino in Las Vegas
may your kidneys get stolen by some random guy
may you throw a boomerang and jab your already burned eye out
may you slip on a banana peel, fall into a man hole, and get eaten by sewer alligators
may you drop your keys in a sewer drain, and have to break a window to get into your house, but then get mistaken by your girlfriend for an intruder so she tazes you and hits you on the head with a skillet before realizing it's you
may you go to jail on every turn whilst playing monopoly
may you burn yourself like really, really, super bad
may you run out of toilet paper at every bathroom you ever go in
may you walk into the street while texting and get hit by a car, and then have to pay the damage
may you accidentally hit "Send to all" when you write a late night booty call to your girlfriend
may a porta-potty get tipped while you are in it, so
may you accidentally send an embarrassing text to your mom
may you wet your pants and then get laughed at
may the milk always be gone by the time you get up, so you have to rinse it out
may you get Tourette's Syndrome and then say "I like to #@! #$%&*^#" In the middle of a crowded place then get super embarrassed and slowly back away
may your grocery bags break, and your really embarrassing purchases fall out, like your...
may you run into your girlfriends parents while being persued by the authorities, holding a bong
may your girlfriend taze you, then hit you on the head with a skillet for a second time because she realizes it's you, then throws you out on the curb
may you get attacked by one of those face-grabbing-stomach-egg-laying aliens from that movie, alien, then get eaten from the inside out before Sigourney Weaver can mercy kill you
may you get a botched labotomy like Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's nest, then walk around like a zombie while nurse Ratchet laughs at you
may you be stuck in a room with "Boyfriend" playing really loud over, and over, and over
may your mom snuff you out with a pillow while your sleeping, then exclaim: "well someone had to do it," then celebrate your death with like everybody ever because you are a terrible person and literally nobody loves you
may god drop kick you into hell, and then go: "Phew!' and continue celebrating
may satan throw you back, because even satan does not want you near him
may god enlist Michael J. Fox from Back to the Future to go back in time and tell your parents to use protection
I don't think I can pick a favorite line... Uffda! Let's go with: "may you accidentally send an embarrassing text to your mom"
ReplyDelete