"Aw, you died. Should have been paying attention." He jeered.
"Aaron, Aaron, this is just to easy." He teased.
"Nope. Not going to beat me." He gloated.
I couldn't take it any longer. I stared at him as he stared at the screen, a grin on his face. Anger built up inside me. He killed me over and over in this game, and then teased me. We had been neutral for the past week that he had been back - but now I could barely contain my temper. Without thinking, a victim or my anger, I threw it at him. I tossed my remote with a flick of my wrist, and it hurled through the air like a ninja star. It hit him in the jaw. It was all worth it just to see that grin turn into a look of surprise and shock. Just to wipe that smile form teasing me off his face.
He jumped up, his anger building, mine dwindling and being replaced by fear. He lunged over to me, and I immediately recoiled, putting my arms and legs up in self defense. He reached around to push and hit me as I kicked and punched to keep him away. Neither of us would give up. We hit, and wrestled - we fought dirty, too. It hurt. I scratched him hard. We were both completely fuming until my dad came down.
Suddenly it hit me what I had done. Shattered the fragile connection we had, and lost the confidence in my parents that we could get along. It was basically the same scenario me and Alex had been through a million times before he went to college - we treat each other horribly until eventually fight, and yell at each other and get in trouble. Then it repeats.
This time he yelled at me for starting a fight and not containing myself. I yelled at him for teasing which strained out fragile truce, and I yelled at him for not stoping the fighting even though he was bigger. He also yelled at me for not stopping. Neither side was just, but neither of us would admit defeat. Alex was completely convinced it was all my fault - and he claimed that he was the victim. I began to give in, and stopped yelling. I didn't care anymore. He would leave in a week or so - why make a fuss?
I was so emotional as we yelled, a mix of disappointment in myself, anger, and overwhelming hurt. It was just like we had done before, be rude, then yell and fight and not give up. I went upstairs and cried. It had been a long time since I had cried. Now I was crying hard - didn't know why exactly. Maybe I was mourning the loss of our relationship. I was just so upset, and angry, and hurt. I stayed in my room alone for a while.
A week later when he left, I hugged him. I wanted to cry again, but for a completely different reason. I missed my older brother.
Oh, Aaron. I don't know quite what to say other than thank you for sharing this story. I hope that you and your brother become friends, not just brothers, as you both get older.
ReplyDeleteYou did a really good job describing all of the emotions and actions that took place at the time, and like Kam said, thanks for sharing this story with us. Family can be weird, one moment you want to punch them, the next you want to hug them.
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave with your sharing. Beyond that, your writing is amazing as you draw us into the real life that is yours and your brother's, but that those of us with siblings have also experienced. I know that I was more often the older brother in these types of scenarios with my brother and they happened all the time. I can say that now we get along very well, even if we don't see each other very often. Keep trying and thanks again for sharing.
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